Astrology Today:

Hey dumbass- when you woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning I bet you didn't think that this day was going to be so miserable. Have a glass of wine and a hot bath tonight- no, wait, knowing your luck the wine will make you drunk and you'll drown in the tub falling asleep from the wine. That's just the kind of luck you're having today. Tomorrow promises to be better, honest.